I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I woke up under a house in Key West
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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