you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
