dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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