Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
