If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
