WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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