"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
