We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
