I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
try to milk me bitch
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