She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
