Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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