i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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