Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
