Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
