it was like eating out sand paper
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
