I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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