i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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