Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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