Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
