Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
