Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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