is your mom at the bar?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
