"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
