I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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