she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
