I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
