conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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