My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
