last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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