I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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