Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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