She said her name was "party"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
