i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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