Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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