I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
