he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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