FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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