this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
high people should be assigned attendants
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize