i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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