I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
