ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
