She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
