You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
