whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
