i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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