Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
