remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
