Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dick very happy bro
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
