I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
