for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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