btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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