nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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