ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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