Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
bring money and cleavage
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
