Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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