the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Michael Bay diarrhea
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
