Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
What a dumb baby whore.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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