this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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