Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
