Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
