Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
