Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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