Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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