dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
