went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
