My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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