I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
