omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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