Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize