Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
