yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
