He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
