I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
