Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
