I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
