i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
