Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
