we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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