Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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